So I said I was going to work on figuring out how to explain love, and now, two and a half weeks later, you can see how far I’ve gotten.
I think part of my problem is that I want love to be neat, simple, and consistent. I want it to be something reliable and constant in my life—like God is supposed to be—and yet all I’m finding is this incredible roller coaster. There are so many complicated aspects to love, and so many parts to each of the aspects, and shades of understanding for each of the parts, that it becomes a mess just trying to keep track of it all.
It’s not worth it.
No, I don’t mean, love isn’t worth it, I mean keeping track of it all isn’t worth it. Microscopically analyzing every little nuance isn’t worth it. What I want to do is back up and try to see the big picture again.
God is love. Love is God. Know God, and I’ll know what love is. Know love, and I’ll find who God is. Simple, right? So in one sense, the first thing I must do—something, frankly, I’ve been trying to do and telling myself to do for as long as I’ve been a Christ-follower—is dedicate myself first and foremost to getting closer to God. I know how to do that, I just don’t do it. I’m not exactly sure why.
But even assuming I do that, I have no interest in becoming a hermit, closing myself off with just me and God and communing with just the two of us for the rest of my life. For some people that works, but it would drive me absolutely insane, and I don’t believe God wants that for our lives anyway.
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
So God gave Adam a wife. He created us with a need for relationships with each other (a running theme in this blog), and love I think is the glue that holds those relationships together. One thing I have figured out in my life is that the most fulfilling and satisfying relationships I have ever had with friends, family members, and colleagues, are those where both people can pour themselves into each other and create something new in the process that didn’t exist before. What that “new thing” is, exactly, is impossible to pinpoint a lot of times, but it’s always there. It’s when both people need the other, both people share equally, both people serve the other, that the relationships deepen and grow. This give and take, back and forth, investing kind of relationship is what love grows from.
These kinds of relationships are rare, though. In my experience, it’s much more common for to find very one-sided relationships, where one person is making all the effort and the other is just going along for the ride. Of course, there are many variations of this, but in general, they remain superficial and distant.
I’ve been lucky in some respects to have had two or three of the deeper, mutual investment kinds of relationships in my life, a significant one being with my wife. One of the things that I wonder about, though, is whether that’s all we’re ever meant to have, or if there’s more available for us if we look for it. I’m sure it’s the kind of relationship God wants to have with me, and that I want to have with Him. But it’s something I want from more of my earthly relationships, too, but I’m not sure if it’s possible.
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