Why is it that during the most challenging moments of my life I put God on hold? I’m supposed to turn to Him, run to Him, jump into his arms and let Him guide me through it. I’m supposed to lean harder and let Him help me carry the burden.
But I always press pause. And I always end up digging myself a deeper hole.
I wish I knew why. And I wish I knew what to do about it.
Well, that’s not entirely true; I do know what to do about it. I have to change my habits. I have to consciously turn to God and discipline myself on a daily basis to lean on Him about everything: the big things, the little things, and everything in between. This isn’t new—I’ve even blogged about it before. I just can’t seem to get any momentum going.
It’s frustrating, it’s depressing, and I truly want to change. But change is difficult. There is so much inertia trying to hold me right where I am. I’m not even chalking it up to external spiritual warfare like some people tend to do. This is not an attack of the devil. The enemy may very well be happy to see it happening, of course, but this one is all me. It’s spiritual warfare, but it’s my human spirit waging war against the Holy Spirit.
And that scares me.
Sunday night, our senior pastor met with the leadership of the church to share his vision for the future of the congregation. It was energizing to see his passion and drive. Part of what he wants to see is a deeper emphasis not just on introducing people to Christ, but life change. Oh, God, let my life change into the person you designed me to be!
But I know how quickly the drive and passion can fade into the mundane routine of every day. I’ve seen it in other organizations of which I’ve been a part. I’ve seen it in my life and the lives of other people around me. It’s the rule, not the exception.
I want to learn how to be the exception.
Photo Credits: Hiding by Bart van Maarseveen, 10/3/07
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